Tax time

Trying to follow Jesus' advice...Matthew 17:27

I did the annual limbo with the 1040's, w2s, 1099MISC's and itemization of deductible expenses this weekend. Tax time is a good annual test of integrity. I imagine that cheating on taxes is a fairly common practice. I know for a fact that, even wanting to be honest, it can be nigh to impossible to know beyond a shadow of doubt that you've done everything correctly when, as a call to the IRS last year illustrated, even the IRS doesn't necessarily certify their own advice.

I think the government does an abysmal job for the most part making good use of our tax dollars. When businesses can be held accountable to their stock holders for being negligent in properly running a company, why is it the citizens of a nation get so little traction in holding their their leaders to account? Throwing money at every issue that raises it's head doesn't necessarily ring with the sound of wisdom - there are such things in life as money pits. I really don't wanna go on a political rant at present, so I'll stop while I'm ahead. Even believing the government grossly incompetent in much of it's spending expenditures, much less being honest what the actual ledger is, I'll do my part, pay my 15-20% (whatever it ends up being) and keep looking for people I can actually vote for.

After all taxes do a lot. In the words of the great Ned Flanders of Simpson's renown:

Taxes pay for everything! Policemen, trees, sunshine. And let's not forget the folks who just don't feel like workin', God bless 'em!

It could always be worse...:)

Another Weekend

Another weekend finds me with a list of things to complete and little desire to do so. I'd rather sit and read a book, work on some animation or be having an engaging conversation with a "particular friend." Could be awhile...

High on the priority list was a revision of my syllabus again. There was just still too little animation and I'd rather my students have some nice animation for their reels than a rudimentary rigged character and little animation to show. I'm still gonna teach facial rigging, but a basic leg rig and stretchy spine can be done following any multitude of tutorials to be found online. It also happens to be something I've been able to specialize in, so might as well let them learn from the mistakes I've made and learned from. The course is a "lil" different than the syllabus I was handed, but I'm still hitting all the "core competencies." All I really care about is getting my students to a point of having work that might get them a second look at a studio when they graduate. If deviation is an issue, I've got a day job.

I finally got a hold of a buddy yesterday who's been dodging my calls (yeah, I know you've been avoiding me, Keith;). He's a fantastic animator and an instructor at Ringling which consistently puts out excellent story tellers. Anyway, he told me to do another check on Keith Lango who's been doing some pretty honest sharing about the animation industry. He's going on my daily blog stop list. Great tutorials and thoughts there as well.

It was a balmy seven degrees this morning as I walked over to hit the elliptical at the clubhouse. Prolly hovering in the negatives with the wind chill. It was kinda nice. Not that I have any pretense of desire to stay for long periods of time out in temperatures like that, but for a brief moment it's nice to have the chill nip at your ears and nose, to feel the wind bite and feel very much alive.

If I was having to live in it, I think my tune would change rather quickly. Watch "The Little Match Girl"...

I've got some serious thoughts on a couple of books I've been reading but don't have time to delve into them at present. You'd be surprised how much in similarity there is to be found between the insights of a scholar of sociology and the last meditations of a priest who served in India.

One of my buddy's websites I was transferring this weekend is down, back to it...

When Traffic is a Blessing...

This morning I wanted to get into work early because I had some stuff for my class tonight I wanted to take care of. With a typical departure time of 9:00am and an average ETA of 10:00am (+/- 10 minutes), I did a little mathematics in my head...

ntt (normal travel time) = 1 hour

9am + ntt = 10am

Nice and easy, so ...

8am + ntt = 9am

So as I rolled into work at 10:00am having left at 8:00am wondering what had happened to my ironclad calculations I realized something - I had forgotten a few hidden variables...

(8am + ntt) * (inclimate weather quotient + the accident caused by the guy drinking coffee, talking on the phone, lighting a cigarrette and checking out the girl in the next car) = you'll get there when you get there

I didn't get in as early as I wanted to but commuting isn't all that bad. I believe the time we're given here is a gift so if my Maker has ordained things that I should be sitting in my little Civic a couple hours a day, might as well make the most of it. It gives you time to stop and think before the day begins, to laugh at the guy next to you going ballistic because someone cut them off while we're doing 2mph and laugh at yourself when "that guy" is you, to step outside of the narcisim of our imediate gratification lives we Americans live so well.

By default most of us are insufferably selfish though we don't want to admit it. It's a good thing for us to not always get what we want when we want it - to reminds us that the world doesn't revolve around us.

Sometimes it's nice to turn off the music and just let your thoughts wander. This morning was crisp and cold with a light dusting of snow tinting the urban sprawl. The sky was cloudless for the most part save a solid band of purple clouds low on the horizon that towered over the flatlands like mountains. I love the mountains; I miss them. I hope to live near them some day. That got me thinking back to a trip to Montana with my grandparents I took as a kid where my grandfather taught me to fish for salmon with corn, how a good place for finding worms is in cow paddies, and countless other things that grandfathers teach their grandsons. It was a glorious summer.

I'm glad I was able to slow down enough today to remember. Traffic can be a good thing when it slows us down. Not our cars, mind you, but we who sit behind the wheel.

...however, I could stand to shave a few miles off my commute:)

Weekends Rock...

It's been a good week and weekend for the most part...

• Moms are awesome - It usually goes without saying that when I go home, I end up forgetting something. This time it was my extra camera battery and charger. So, she sent it in the mail and happened to pack some Reeses Peanut Butter Cups in there with a little note. My mom is awesome.

My awesome mom and I

• Finished my Syllabus - I finally got a good handle on my syllabus for this semester. There wasn't quite enough animation exercises in it initially for my liking so I added a few more exercises. My goal is to get the students doing as much animation as possible. I don't remember what animator it was who said, "You've got 10,000 bad drawings in you, so you might was well get through them as fast as you can." It applies in 3d as well, we learn by making mistakes and the more work we do, the more we'll grow. I'm gonna do my darndest to do all the exercises with my students cause, frankly, I don't get to do a whole lot of full body keyframe animation at work and I miss it. It'll be a good reason to finish Olaf as well (I'm trying Cory!)
  
• "The Brothers Karamazov" - The beast is completed. I started this behemoth of a book about six months ago and have been struggling through it since. It was an absolutely fantastic read though a bit verbose. You could easily split it into a trilogy and still have three complete books. The book follows a very screwed up family of a dysfunctional hedonistic father and his three sons. There's a murder, and fantastic trial and more insanity than one would think could be crammed into a novel...yet crammed it is.
  
• My Cousin's Improv Show - Thursday night, I went to an improv show's opening night that my cousin is spearheading with another improv friend of his. There were four improv troupes for two hours of comedy for the low low price of $5. It was a lot of fun. If you live in Chitown and want good comedy for not a lot of money, check it out. It meets in a little arts center at Western and North, but you can check the site for more info. There going to have different groups each week so it won't be the same show if you wanna try it a couple of times.
  
• "The Office" is Back - There was a new episode of The Office this week and....wow...just wow...no show makes me cringe one moment and then roll over laughing the next like this one.
  
• New Year Resolutions - So, I need to make some resolutions, so here they are:
• Visit the following:
• My best friend Ryan in Oregon to do some fly fishing
• My uncle in Colorado for some horseback riding, hiking and, frankly, cause I don't see him enough
• My brother and ragamuffinephews cause I don't see them nearly enough
• Come up with another Short film and get it AT LEAST through the story board phase
• To finish Olaf
• To do at least 30 seconds of reel worthy full body hand key animation
• To get more involved in volunteering somewhere
• To kick the snot out of my student loans

That is all.

Grateful...

No art updates today, but just wanted to drop a note to say that I'm so thankful for this gift we're given called "life". A year ago about this time life sucked. There's no nice way to put it. There's probably some more descriptive non-G ways, but we'll just say it sucked. However, it's amazing the differences a year can bring. Andrew Peterson's words come to mind:

What's that on the ground?
It's what's left of my heart
Somebody named Jesus
Broke it to pieces
And planted the shards

And they're coming up green
They're coming in bloom
I can hardly believe
This is all coming true

Just as I am and just as I was
Just as I will be He loves me, He does
He showed me the day that He shed His own blood
He loves me, oh, He loves me, He does

All of my life
I've held on to this fear
Its thistles and vines
Ensnare and entwine
What flowers appeared

It's the fear that I'll fall
One too many times
It's the fear that His love
Is no better than mine
(but He says that)
Just as I am and just as I was
Just as I will be He loves me, He does
He showed me the day that He shed His own blood
He loves me, oh, He loves me, He does
He loves me, oh, He loves me, He does

It's time now to harvest
What little that grew
This man they call Jesus
Who planted the seeds
Has come for the fruit

And the best that I've got
Isn't nearly enough
He's glad for the crop
But it's me that He loves

The seasons of life have changed a bit more slowly than those of the earth in the past year, but they're changing all the same. The winds are shifting, the leaves are changing, and I sense in the air that a time of harvest is near.

We don't know how many trips around the merrigoround we're going to have. Life can seem so concrete in one moment then in the next as dust being blown by the wind sifting through our fingers as we try to hold on to just one more speck. In the words of a missionary who lost his life attempting to share his life, "Wherever you are, be all there." Life can be so wasted in deadend thoughts of wishing we were somewhere else, wanting to be someone else, doing something else. There is no one on earth nor has there been anyone quite like you. That is what my faith teaches. Our lives are gifts and each moment is precious.

So, here I sit grateful at the life I've been given. It's not what I expected but it's an adventure all the same.

In the vallies we crawl and grow. On the mountains we stand in awe. I've been coming out a long valley and climbing a tough road with more than a few helping hands along the way. The crest of this hill is in sight and I can't wait to see what lies ahead.

Grateful for the journey- a trail marked out by wounded feet and a wounded hand on my shoulder to guide. Thankful for a God who gave His Son to adopt me as His own.

Book Thoughts : The Da Vinci Code

Short of it - Good writing, interesting characters, and exciting ride.

Long of it - So, apparently this is a pretty well known book, eh?....;) I decided to see what all the hype was about. I actually started with Angels and Demons which was a great novel and was glad I did for some of the allusions to that story found in The Da Vinci Code. However, having finished the second and first books, I have to say that it seems pretty apparent that Mr. Brown has some major issues with the Catholic church. I'm not Catholic and didn't really take offense, but it's pretty blatent. That being said, he is a very talented author who weaves a pretty engaging fictional tale. I really enjoyed both books.

There was quite an uproar right before the movie came out (I didn't see it cause I hadn't read the book) from some Christians who wanted the movie censored. As someone who tries to follow Jesus, I gotta say that I don't think that was a good way to go about it. Yes, there's some pretty wild claims put forth by Mr. Brown, but if someones faith can be rocked by a "historical" piece of fiction, they need it to be shaken so that they can figure out exactly what it is they believe. The "fact page" of the book really doesn't go so far as to claim (in as much as I can see) that Mr. Brown is purporting his theories as fact. The details of the "fact page" are intentionally narrow in scope. In particular,

All descriptions of artwork, architecture, documents, and secret rituals in this novel are accurate.

I imagine the descriptions are quite accurate. His interpretations and theories are very much open to debate- as is painfully obvious by the uproar:) I'm not gonna go into detail on why I disagree with certain theories. I don't know that I have a good enough memory nor the knowledge to write intelligently to that, but I've read many of "extra" gospels he refers to in the book. He doesnt' refer to all of them - there are quite a few and he does a fair bit of cherry-pickin'. In my early 20's I went through a phase of questioning my faith and I read a lot of texts that are beyond the "cannon" of the Protestent Bible and in doing so, it was painfully obvious why many of the texts didn't make the cut. However, the Catholics have a few more books that the protestants (namely, the Apocrypha), and the Eastern Orthodox others still. As far as I know, most of those have to do with the Old Testatment. In regards to the "lost gospels", if we suddenly found a document that claimed to be a testament of the life of Abraham Lincoln and it said that Abe in fact led an invasion of western China we might just pause a moment to compare that to what we already knew before just accepting it at face value.

I'm comfortable with the idea the Bible I have is the one I have for a reason. I imagine that most people will believe what they want to believe as the character, Robert Landon, himself points out in the book. If you want to believe that Jesus was just a man and has no claim on your heart and are willing to accept fiction as fact, this book is a very entertaining way to get you there. If you want to find out actual facts, perhaps starting in the non-fiction aisle is a better place to begin.

Of Jackalopes and Apple's Brilliance

I had the great pleasure this week of enlighting a special someone to the amazing world of the Jackalope. Growing up in the midwest, I am, of course, aware of one of the great treasures of fly-over-country-America. Drive I-40 or I-35, and you're sure to find countless novelty shops and gas stations selling stuffed Jackalopes. Though I'm sad to see the little critters there and not bounding across the fruited plains like some miniature balls of antlered energy. They must be plentiful for them to be so readily available for purchase. Some people might claim that it's just a rabbit with antelope horns glued to it's head, but those folk just don't have a clue...I've not seen any zoological studies on the natural habitat of this imaginative little critter, but I'm sure it'll be published soon. Next time you're driving across the great plains, sure you might see some buffalo, antelope, prairie dogs and other such average creatures, but you make sure you keep an eye out for our beloved little Jackalopes...

...seriously, you'll puncture a tire on those horns if you're not paying attention.

So it's been another week of fun at work and I've been spending a good deal of time on the phone talking to the great state of Pennsylvania. So much so that I picked up a Vonage this weekend. I'll post some thoughts when I've used it a bit.

One of the coolest bits of news from the week is that Apple is making it so the new intel macs can dual boot to Apple's OS (a thing of simple elegance that I am coming more and more around to) and Windows XP (brute force that works...most of the time). My next computer purchase may just have to be....*gasp*....a mac workstation.

My brother will be proud - he's a machead.

Wrapping up...

Song of the day - "Even Rats" - The Slip
I'm a bit tardy in wrapping up my L.A trip, though I don't imagine there's too many people waiting for the close (except maybe my mom, "Hey, Mom!":). For her sake I'll close it off.

Monday, I went for another nice jog in the morning and took a dip to swim a few (very few) laps. Then I headed down to meet up with Dave and some old SCAD friends at their studio. I hung out for a bit and Tracy made me draw her a caricature to put next to Daves over her desk (Dave's was better). It's funny what a small world it is. I got to talking to another of the animators there and he was a good friend of my art director on the project I'm on at Midway. Go figure.


We decided to go out for a bite and I had cuban for the first time. It was a awesome. I got the Vegetariono (awful spelling I'm sure) that had blackbeans over white rice, carmelized plaintains and some interesting (but tasty) potatoes. To close it off, I had a bit of mango cheesecake which was incredible. I LOVE cheescake.

We split up on the way back and I headed back to the hotel and took a little rest - processed some pictures and wrote a couple of emails. My mentor came to get me and we headed to North Hollywood for the film festival part and got there early on my bad intel so decided to get a bite to eat at Pizza place across the road. There was a nice cold drizzle with a rather warm temp (compared to Chicago evenings). It felt nice - I actually like a little cool mist in the air every now and then.

When we finished up the meal and chatting we headed back over and saw the festival. There were some amazing films. I especially enjoyed "Tycho's Nova" and "Love Letter" (whose site doesn't appear to be up quite yet). They only showed the first place winners, I'd have liked to have seen the rest. I'm gonna try and track em down on the web when I get some down time.

Tuesday, I went for a walk on Sunset Blvd and picked up a couple more books. I was also able to snag an "In and Out" Burger which, though tasty, had nothing on a OKC Johnnie's burger. The flight out was great with a breathtaking view of sunset over eastern California mountains and the Mojave desert.

The rest of the week at work was cool. Nothing too crazy. However, Friday the game team went out for some Whirlyball fun. Nothing special this weekend except some freelance and running (both errands and the physical type). Hopefully my brother and I can hook up some iSight video chat so I can see him and the muchkin nephews. Good times.

(Disclaimer: Sentimental babbling follows)

I had a hard conversation with a friend today. It was hard, but it was good one. A lot of things are like that. Life doesn't have a handbook that makes finding your way easy. Heck, God didn't even really provide one in the Bible - most of it is stories of people stumbing through life just like us, meeting God along the way, and finding what life is like after that. Life is meant to be hard, it's meant to make us who we're supposed to be. I imagine that an easy life wouldn't be that much fun - like playing a video game on easy mode or going back to reading See Spot Run after having worked through Shakespeare. Growth is implied in our existence - we see it in the world around us in plants, animals, even celestial bodies. There's times that God is silent to me and there's times He's as real as my own skin. He's been very real lately and that's a blessing, but I know a time will come when I'll cry to the heavens and only hear the answer of my own echoing voice. I've been there before and I'll be there again. Life seems to be less about stoically marching along some certain path than stumbling through it together - sometimes you lean on another and sometimes they lean on you. The time comes when you find yourself on the precipice again and you don't know exactly will happen if you take that step - will you be dashed against the rocks or plunge into the sea?

Only one way to find out. But for now, I've gotta wait.

L.A. Day Two

What a great morning. I got up, spent some time reading the book of Matthew a bit and went out to enjoy the absolutely glorious weather. So, I threw on my running shoes and was out the door.

I started off going north towards some small mountains hoping I could find a way up them. I jogged a couple of miles and found a promising road with about a 15 degree incline and started up it (half way up, my jog became a rather labored hike). The road ended, but I spied a nice deer trail so started up the mountain. When I got to the top of one of it’s forks I took a seat and enjoyed the early morning sun washing downtown Hollywood in a glowing haze. To the east a few small sky scrappers climbed through the mist. To the North rolling mountains progressively turning blue on their march towards the horizon.

Glorious. Thanks for the view, God.

At that point I was wishing I brought along my camera - that is until I started back down the mountain. I had hoped to find a road up top to take back town but found jack squat except private property security fences so I headed back down the way I came - almost tumbling down more times than I’d like to admit. But, it was an adventure:)

The best part of running up hills is running back down them. I love running down hills being on that verge of going so fast you’re going to take a rather nasty spill but not quite there - you’re running faster than you could ever run on a flat stretch. Like I said yesterday, I’m a goob.

I ran back past the hotel and decided to run down hollywood strip where all the theaters stand and the star’s stars checker the sidewalk. On the way, I made note of a couple to come back to and headed back to the hotel, worked out a little in the gym and hopped in the pool. I miss swimming. I gotta find a place to go in Chicago.

Running around L.A., I’m struck by a few thoughts- 1) many women here seem to have a peculiar allergy to clothing which seems to be particularly heightened at night which presents itself as wearing as little as possible or as tight as possible. 2) men who are young dress to look older and chic and men who are old dress to look young and hip. It’s a city of facades - of wanting to be thought more than one is. However, these are just the thoughts of a midwestern boy who probably doesn’t know what he’s talking about.

After I cleaned up, it was time to get out to try out the camera a bit more. So I took lots of photos of stuff - if something looked halfway interesting, I prolly took a picture of it.

Levar Burton was kind enough to offer his star for a sec. This is the closest I think I'm gonna get:)

This little guy was kind enough to pose for me.

My buddy, David Bokser, picked me up around 1:00 to go grab a bite to eat. We were first heading to In and Out burger, but the wait there looked to be anything but “In and Out” so Dave suggested Thai. I think what I had was called “Thai Pad” or “Pan” or something to that effect - noodles, shrimp, chicken, some sort of sprouts and some chopped nuts. It was delicious.

We hung out for the afternoon (making a detour to Target to get some black socks as I thankfully checked that morning and realized I didn't have em) then he brought me back to the hotel to clean up and was gonna meet me at the shindig.

So, I got dudded up and went to find the rest of the student film makers to find the shuttle to the ceremony. The night was a lot of fun, all the film makers and folk from the academy were talkative and plenty of interesting conversations were just a “hello“ away. We had about an hour of cocktails and I met my assigned mentor and his wife and we had nice chat. Dinner, which is sometimes a bit interesting at catered formal events (not that I have a long list of ones I’ve attended), was really good - some sort of all-natural salad with figs and green leafy stuff I’ve never seen in the grocery store, some deliciously tender chicken and creamy sliced potatoes and book-ended with some personalized apple pie things closing out the courses. The awards ceremony itself was very well done and entertaining. It was great to see the clips of the winners; I can’t wait to see them in their entirety tomorrow at the festival. When my turn came, my heart was beating a mile a minute, but I managed not to trip going up the stage.



I said a few thank yous and went to get some pictures taken. After it was all done, we milled about for a bit waiting for group pics. There were lots of celebrities - some I knew, others not. All the ones I had a chance to chat with were very warm and easy to talk to. Dave was excited to meet the director of ”24“ so I snapped pic of them and I met one of the guys from the ”Gilmore Girls” which, I’m a little ashamed to admit, I do watch from time to time.

After that, we headed back to the hotel then a group of us headed back out into the night for a little ”after-party-party“ and sat in a cool little lounge bar till 2:00 in the morning chatting it up. By that time I was more than ready for bed and was happily greeted by my king sized sled to dreamland promptly upon return.

L.A. Day One

First things first, I got my kickin new camera AND my business cards yesterday which was quite the treat. So expect Lots - o - pictures.

I started off the day to about 3 hours of sleep on account of scrambling to get some stuff together I had been counting on Kinkos to help me out with the previous evening. (Kinkos, I’m sorry, but we’re done) It would be ingenuous to place all of the blame squarely on their shoulders as I could have taken care of a lot of it earlier in the week, but I didn’t - I’m a goob.

So I finished up everything about 3 am and got up at 6:15am or so sans alarm (the internal clock is still beating my digital one by about 40 minutes every day) and went and worked on on the mind numbing treadmill, got up and around and my roommate took me to the airport about 9:45. It’s awesome not traveling on the holidays, it took next to no time to get through security and to the boarding area.

I hit the jackpot on my seat in the plane, I was in the first coach row after first class and my seat jutted out in the aisle a little so I had all the leg room I could possibly want (that is for my short little hobbit legs). It’s the mental comfort of knowing IF I was 6’ tall, I’d be just fine. My co-row passengers were a mom and daughter coming to Cali to decide if the daughter wanted to take a job here. They were nice folk and the mom was reading Captivating which was written by an author I really enjoy so we had something to chat about for a bit AND she gave me a stick of beef jerky and some big pretzel sticks so my meal-less fight wasn’t such a famine.

When we were done chatting, I through on the IPod and enjoyed one of my favorite pastimes - reading. I finished one book and started another. The second was about a laugh a page for most of the remainder 4 1/2 hour flight. Donald Miller is an author that weaves insight and mirth into a fine tapestry of story that speaks to me in a way few authors do. He’s a bit like C.S. Lewis but more “everyman.”

The shuttle ride from the airport to the hotel was entertaining. For one, I saw this:

Heck of way for a dog to get around.

I ended up sitting with an Australian girl named Lea (I think- my memory isn’t the best) who is a nurse and is taking an 8 month holiday. Now, I ask you, why is it the europeans and the aussies take these 6,7, 8 month holidays and we Americans take like a week, two weeks max typically? Is it because we’re too busy? Honestly, I’m not sure I could go that long without “working” but I think taking more time to live life than get ahead isn’t such a bad idea.

After I got to the hotel, I dropped off my stuff and headed out to try out the new camera while I waited for my friend and her husband to come pick me up for dinner. Here’s a bit of what I saw.

Lots of expensive cars

But these were more interesting. (They're to the left of that car)

Then, my ride came. Dinner was a lot of fun. I’d not seen Selina since being in D.C. in 2001 and I had never met Dave before. We went to this “in” place called Domick’s with small delicious portions and big numbers on the menu. However, you don’t do stuff like this very often, so it’s one of those, “Eh, I’m prolly never going to do this again, so what the heck.” We got all kinds of stuff. For an appetizer, we got a grilled artichoke and some special spinach. I’ve never had artichoke before and it was amazing though I learned that trying to eat the leaf doesn’t work so well. I’m still not a fan of spinach in any cooked form. For entrées, Selina got the veal and Dave and I got the spaghetti and meat balls (the meat balls being the size of small tennis balls). We shared a little so everyone got to taste and it was amazing. Desert was even better. We got the triple gelato - banana chocolate chip, butterscotch and (I think) vanilla AND some fritters with chocolate dipping sauce.

Wow. It was good.

After that, they took me to see San Rodeo Drive and we walked around a bit commenting on the stores and Selina telling us all kinds of relevant pop culture tidbits. We moseyed along for a bit and then they took me back to the hotel where I crashed the instant my head hit the pillow.

Amen

A buddy and I were talking about God the other day - he believes there may be a God, he just isn't so sure he wants to have much to do with Him. Hearing his church experience, I can understand that. Churches are comprised of broken folk trying to allow God to work in them and through them. A lot of the time they either don't come across that way or sometimes they just actually aren't. Someone whose only experience of God is through a church of "happy plastic people", I can understand not exactly being enthusiastic about signing up. Heck, I've left them myself.

That being said, it's hard trying to follow Jesus. As many times as He's proven Himself, as many times as He's lifted my head in the depths of the darkest night, I have a short memory. It's easy to get wrapped up in the day to day. Somedays I just don't want to do what's right; somedays the words of Andrew Peterson's song playing on my CD player say just what needs to be said.

It's taken me years in the race just to get this far
Still there is no end in sight,
There's no end in sight
'Cause I've carried my cross into dens of the wicked
And you know I blended in just fine

Well, I'm weak and I'm weary of breaking His heart
With the cycle of my sin, of my sin
Still He turns His face to me and I kiss it
Just to betray Him once again

Well, I've got oceans down inside of me
I can feel the billows roll
With the mercy that comes thundering
O'er the waters of my soul

So, Amen
Come, Lord Jesus
Amen
Oh, Amen
Come, Lord Jesus
Amen

A couple weeks in the life of...

Wow, things have been a little crazy round here, I've got a lot of catching up to do. A couple weeks back I went and saw Andrew Peterson in concert up in Rockford. It was excellent. However, I have to take issue with the state of Illinois having FIVE tolls over a span of 80 some odd miles. However, I then ended up sitting with a nice young couple from up north who had driven about five hours to be there. This put my measly toll paying in perspective.

This past weekend, my cousin Jon and his girlfriend Tabitha came in to town and stayed with me till Thursday. They're moving up here in a few months with some friends to take a shot at Second City. Speaking of which, on Tuesday, Jon got us some tickets to go to the show. So, they picked me up after work and we headed downtown and had a great time looking for a parking spot for thirty minutes. Our wait was rewarded with a broken meter spot 50 yards from Second City.

Score.

When we got to the door, there was a sign on the door that said there was a panel discussion on "Censorship" going on with Dino Stamatopoulos and some guy from Cartoon Network who's name I can't recall. I remember Dino's name because Tabitha and Jon both were about as excited at seeing his name as I'd be to see Glen Keane giving a paneled discussion on character animation.

We had some time to kill before Second City started, so we went to it. They started off by showing an episode of Moral Orel - Starmatopoulos' creation. This one hadn't made it to TV yet because they needed to ease the audience into ever increasing, what could be called, sacrilege. I could understand why they needed to wait. Jon and Tab had showed me an episode the night before which I tolerated rather than enjoyed so you may understand why I wasn't exactly excited about the discussion. However, I enjoyed it very much. I wish we could have stayed longer. After listening to Dino speak, I wasn't so much offended as sad at some of the honest commentaries buried (though rather deeply) in his extreme satire of the Christian faith - or more poinently, Americanized Christianity. One of the things he said was that Jesus would be appalled at the"f@#%$d up mess" Christians had turned Christianity into. On that point, I can't honestly disagree though I would probably phrase it a little differently:) Through all of Dino's gruffness, deep down I saw a frustrated guy who desperately wants to believe in God. I maybe wrong, but that was my impression. Sadly, about forty five minutes into it, we had to leave. All that being said, I wouldn't want any kids I was raising watching it. Definitely a satire for adults (though not this one).

Second City was a sketch based 2 hour comedy show that was a fun ride. The humor was a little more blue state heavy then balanced, but this is Chicago. I'm looking forward to going back and seeing Jon and Tabitha up there one day soon.

Things have been moving along slower than I'd like on my current freelance gig so I'm hoping to make up some time this weekend. Work has been a lot of fun this past week. Scott and I are developing our own facial rig and it's challenging work that is a lot of fun as well. It's a heck of a lot more enjoyable than cleaning up motion capture data:)

In the presence of masters...

Lost in a Monet

A friend of mine was in town this weekend and we had a great time hanging out and dreaming a bit about animation possibilities. Saturday we decided to do something special and headed down town to the Chicago Institute of the Art Museum. After locating some parking, slipping on the black ice in the parking lot and paying our entry fees, we stepped through the portal of the ordinary to that of the illuminating.

I was unprepared for the breadth of the collection of the museum. I just had no idea they had so much amazing art. Apparently they have one of the largest collections of impressionism in the world here- how sweet is that? Here are a few pics that my friend was so kind enough to send.


This is the first piece that really grabbed me. I don't recall the artist's name and I vaguely remember seeing it in one of my art books but the use of color is just passionately vibrant and I made my buddy take a picture of it.


My friend admiring what I believe is a Rodin if I remember right.


Yet another amazing Monet. This was my favorite of a series of studies of the same scene he did. His work feels so "soft" to me - if that be a usable descriptor. The palette sings the coming of dawn and the rising sun light bathes the ground in brushstrokes of warmth.



Saving the best for last. Van Gogh is probably my favorite painter of all time. This was the first time I had ever seen one of his paintings in person (much less multiple ones). Everyone has their favorite artists, but Van Gogh, for me, paints in a way I don't see in other works. He paints not with pigment, but with colored passion etched on a canvas of deep reflection. Every brush stroke is alive with energy and the whole painting vibrates with purposeful gesture. This is a "still life" that is anything but still and is pregnant with life.

What a day.

A few more...

I really wish I could sleep later than 8:00am on a weekend. It seems my body just won't allow it anymore. Plenty to do today, lots of animation to block and plenty of tunes to jam to doing it. It's amazing how much reading old writings can bring you back to where you were when you wrote those words. Any art in which we must dip the brush into our very soul will surely bear that mark. We fix something of ourselves to that moment of creation - time does not dim its illumination even if those feelings are much changed upon reflection. And tracing from then to now, we see where we've been and hopefully if we turn around we catch a glimpse of where we're going. Continuing the look a old writings, I've got a varied collection today.

Swimming in a Cynic's Sea - 1998
I drift and sink amidst the hypocrisy
Of myself and of that which I carelessly say;
Wishing there an end to this seekers road-
Islands of peace on which to rest.
I question you until there is no you
That I see; For all of my inquiries
Fill the void of my mind until I feel
As if I will burst into a thousand shards
Of a once stable son.
All I desire is to know and follow you-
You call and all I do is run
Back to my cynic's sea and find comfort
In the insanity of a void of concrete truth
And an ocean of contemplation fills my gaping mouth
Till all I taste is the salt of the faithless' sea
And I wait to be thrown out
And be trampled by men-
For I fear I will never be salty again.



Loss - 1997
Which way is up?
Which way is down?
They reach and surround
me without a sound
or whisper;
Enveloping me
with dark hands full of blood
(It tastes like wine);
Offering sensuous delights
for nothing...free?
Ecstasy for a night,
no hidden cost,
no sense of loss
(until morning).
The Son rises and finds me
asleep in the light;
clutching the fruit of the season's container,
Oh, my beloved Sustainer!
What has become of my steadfast heart?
"My child, but open your eyes,
look and perceive:
surely it is more blessed to give than receive;
Or did you not know...the wine you drank was
the blood of infant saints made sweet by
but a lie of generosity."



Conformity - 1995
Standing in a masquerade;
Keeping step in life's parade
grows old and silly;
Yet I see
the mask I hold in my hands
is just what conformity demands.
They just wouldn't understand
the me I want to be
is not the me they daily see;
So as they perceive, I become;
God, that sounds awfully dumb.

Alienation - 1995ish

He sits,
They move,
He speaks,
They go on in their conversations ignoring his petition,
Signed by countless hands of alienation personified
In the hands of Old Man friendship;
The darkness illuminated by a dim candle of Truth
That is snuffed time and time again by noses looking too high
To see him, standing alone.
He is every man or woman
At some time or another;
Searching for affirmation
In accolades that never could nor would
Come from a world that doesn't care
Nor sees its own hand stabbing at the hearts of children
Who just want to feel love.
The piper of this world plays his fife
And finds many who follow in blind obedience
To where they know not and care not and would rather not know.
And he sits
She sits
And waits until someone says, "Hello."

Old Thoughts...

When I was in the Marines and some in High School, I wrote a lot of poetry. I thought a hard drive crash a few years back had wiped out most of it. I found some old hand written journal portions of it recently and was thumbing through it today. Much of it is sappy and hopelessly romantic writing from the countless times I “fell in and out of love” and is pretty cheezy looking back at now. However, some of it still speaks to me. I thought I’d share a little at the request of a friend.

I actually found one that was pertinent to this "looking back" - back when I was blogging before there were blogs. This is from 1997 or so.

"Write." What kind of command is that? But this is what I feel the Spirit of God telling me. I search the wrinkles of my mind for something worth writing, some insight, some new concept that would possibly be worth someone's time and effort to sit some quiet afternoon and delve into. Yet nothing comes to mind except a silent melody that has been written on the stanzas of my life and whose harmony finds its way every now and then to perceivable decibels of my heart's ear.

Everyone has a symphony of sorts etched into the fabric of their souls that God has been playing and writing since the dawn of time and even before our recognizable history. Each staccato cry of a newborn begins another symphony's opening night. The Psalms say, "All the days ordained for me were written in Your book before one of them came to be." Perhaps it isn't a book that God keeps of our lives, but a concerto. Maybe each experience, each moment in our existence is another measure being played on the strings of our hearts, the percussion of our thoughts, and the winds of our souls. We can learn lessons in the music if we listen close enough. Maybe you'll find some of the same harmonies in your life's song that you see in mine as I attempt to play some of the most important movements on an, often inadequate, instrument of written language.

Memories are funny things, as I'm sure you know, they came be clear as crystal one moment and the next be nothing more than a faint and diminishing dream. We're lucky to live in the age that we do that we can go back and jar the stubborn memories free with photos and diaries, home movies and even public, though hopefully not criminal, records. We all enjoy every now and then seeing an old yearbook or a drawing we made in school when our grips were not so refined and pencils were held more frequently as "swords" than as instruments of expression. To look back in our lives at the valleys of pain and learning, the mountains of joy and ecstasy, the woods of doubt, past crossroads of decision to where we find our selves makes the dim view we have of our futures seem not so bleak- but hopeful of a better day.

I think I know why God told me to write, and that can be best wrapped in words that aren't mine but for the life of me, I can't place who said them at the moment: "You know best where you're going by looking back at where you've been."